Loneliness. Loneliness among people... This might be one of my greatest torments. Has anyone else ever experienced it? Being surrounded by a group of awesome people and feeling utterly lonely. It really sucks. Sadly it seems to be a common thread that has dominated nearly half, or maybe more, of my life.
Now that I look back on it, it isn't difficult to track the causes of loneliness among people. I commonly struggle with it the most in the weeks after a geographical transition or when a group of my friends leave where I am. Examples include when I left Mississauga for Vancouver last summer. I was leaving behind my bestest pal Jordan and a DTS with whom I'd spent two months of evenings with usually in some kind of awesome conversation or great fun. (Who remembers getting soaked by the wave spray on the way home from a late night waltz to McDees?) An example of the other is when Mike and Josh left Mississauga. They while I was there in Miss were my tightest pals and without them in Miss I lost the ability to function properly. I got lonely among good people.
In the last month I have again started to get lonely among people. No surprise given my recent Exodus from YWAM Miss/Tor into my new role in downtown TO. I have also begun to notice a common reaction of mine to this feeling. An unhealthily strong wish for a companion. I guess it makes sense in these times to wish all the more for a companion, but, shouldn't I have learned by now to rely on God in these times?
Over the last month my desire for companionship reached such a high that I even checked out a few online Christian dating sites. Very out of the ordinary for me and even creepy. The whole experience wasn't so bad and fixed a lot of biased opinions I had against it, but, my reason for being there may still have been wrong and fueled by my own human desires and not God's.
So now I am in a place where I need to stop searching for girls and return to searching for God. Finding God in the glitter and the gutter is what I need to be doing. There is so much beauty out there that is to be found. So much wonder at which I have not yet gawked. Lord help me to continue to set my heart on what is true, right, lovely and Holy (Phil 4:8).
So here I am. Displeased with the way things are and with ideas to improve. Where do I start? Where do I target? What will be my end? Hopefully these answers are all thoroughly saturated with Jesus. If not I will surely fail.
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4 comments:
Yes, I understand. The human nature, the desire to be loved. We all have those feelings, all feel lonely.
Singleness is not always seen as the blessing that it should be taken as. I know that this is often difficult to understand when our feelings say otherwise. Yet, we need to learn to rely on God for our needs and to direct us in our desires.
It is often difficult to understand how God can fill all our needs-especially in the area of what we want from other human beings. Yet, I believe it is possible, although I can't say that I have reached that point of total dependence on God. Yet I know that my feelings are my feelings and that I must trust God no matter how I feel. Not easy....yeah I know...
i think loneliness among people is a common emotion that most people feel at least once in their life, I do get what you mean there, and we all try different ways to try to escape the feeling, seek God, hes cool and will help you out, ... also that searching for a companion thing does make alot of sense, don't push it too far out of the way (although I would recommend a less dramatic, more trandition approach than online dating sites), you'll do alright though, even though you may be away from the people you miss, they're still around, its just the rough shift from them being everyday people to an every so often person, its a hard shift but you'll get through it, people usually do if they really care for each other, and your one caring dude
It is always easier to look to people for hope than to look to God. We seek the tangible, God made us to respond to that. We were made to fellowship. We were made to want to connect. The crazy thing is that even if we find "that person", we will still be lonely. The only cure for loneliness, I think is Heaven, and we're not there yet. We think people can fill our void, when really only Christ can do that. It doesn't make things any easier though. I think being honest about our feelings with our Creator is a good way to go. He made you, He loves you, He wants to refine you.And He will, He might even use loneliness, as painful as it is to cause you to lean into Him. Be encouraged. You aren't alone- not in your struggles and not where you are.
Yeah that is super true.
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